The Love Of My Life: Act Now or Regret What Will Follow
My mother, Mary Guy, the love of my life in Hamilton, 2011.
Are you happy with the photos you have of your parents? As a photographer, I deeply regret having only a few decent photos of my mum and dad in my own photography collection.
Act now and starting building your own photography portfolio of your parents. Doing so will allow you to document important moments in your families life, and will become a treasure trove of memories for generations to come.
Sadly, I didn’t make the most of the opportunities I had to take more photos of my own parents. And it’s now too late for me to do anything about it.
Here’s a photo I did manage to make of my mum, Mary Guy, on 26 December (Boxing Day) 2011 at the family home in Hamilton in Australia.
Mares was in the kitchen, having just cleaned up after feeding the family. The opportunity to act now presented itself, so I grabbed my chance to make a quick pic before she moved onto her next task.
Camera equipment used to make the photo are as follows:
Canon 5D Mark II camera
Canon 50 mm f/1.2 L series lens
1/160 second shutter speed
f/1.2 aperture
ISO 100
I remember deliberately moving in close with the high-end Canon standard lens I owned at the time.
While not flattering, I did so to emphasize my mum's face and draw attention to the size of her rapidly shrinking body.
Notice to how, in addition to making my mum’s head appear quite pronounced, her shirt and the background recede further back into the picture than you might otherwise expect.
For me the photo lives in the space between documentation and beauty.
You might call it overly honest.
While Mares wasn't too keen on the photo, I really like it. I think it's an honest and quite luminous depiction of how I saw my mum at that stage of her life.
And, as she’s my mum, I'm allowed to be biased. Right!
I grew up in Hamilton, a small town in Western Victoria in the southeast of Australia. Immediately upon leaving school I began my career in photography.
My first full-time job was in a camera store. Over time I began photographing weddings, portraits and debutante balls to supplement my meagre income.
I became a popular and very busy photographer and, after five years in retail, opened my own photography studio, Glenn Guy Photographics, which I ran for several years.
A short stint as head photographer at the Hamilton Spectator, the town’s local newspaper, followed.
After that I moved down to Melbourne in 1986 to begin, what was to become, nine years of tertiary studies in photograph.
Of course I worked throughout those years to pay for my studies. And no, it’s not like it is today.
Back then, the notion of receiving financial support from your parents to support your tertiary studies and associated living expenses was unheard of. At least on my side of the tracks.
It's been a busy and eventful life with lots of excitement, adventure and travel along the way.
Needless to say, like most other folks, I’ve also had to endure the daily grind that’s such a big part of working for the man.
While I had few regrets about making the move to the big city, I always missed my parents, particularly my mum, Mary Guy.
Regardless of where I’ve lived, I always referred to Hamilton as home. Not because I was born there, but because it's where my parents lived.
Up until I left Hamilton, I resided with my parents. For a variety of financial and work-related reasons I probably only returned home, on average, two or three times a year since.
That meant I only got to see my dear old mum and dad about 50 times since 1986. Over the years I dealt with their decline as best I could.
I helped out where and how I could. But, for the most part, I just soldiered on, relying on humor and hopes of more frequent visits home to keep me going.
The old grey mare just ain't what she used to be is an old tune, a few words of which I’d sing to my mum as a joke, but also as a way of helping both of us deal with her inevitable decline.
I’m not the one singing or playing in the video. Nonetheless, it’s a touching performance of this classic little ditty, and I hope you’ll check it out.
Now that both my parents have passed away, I deeply regret not being able to have made the trip home more often than I did.
There were many occasions when I felt the need to act now and go home. Sadly, I failed to do so.
It's Important To Keep Your Promises
One thing I noticed, when I did manage to venture back home, was how the aging process was affecting Mares.
I guess we like to think that we all age gracefully, like an oil painting.
But when visits home become few and far between, you really notice the changes occurring to your parents with the inevitable decline brought on by old age.
Of course, such realizations should only strengthen our resolve to take action and do the right thing. That’s certainly how it effected me.
When my dad, Fred, passed away a number of years back I determined to go home more often.
Despite frequent weekend work commitments, I did my best and was able to make the trip home to see my mum more often than I had in the past.
Christmas and Easter were a given. It really was just a matter of fitting in another four or more extra visits per year.
I knew I could do it and, of course, when you finally set your mind to something as important as this you’ll do what needs to be done to make it a reality.
But then COVID hit. My mum had moved into a care facility and strict government policy determined two things:
I wasn’t allowed to leave Melbourne
Visitors were restricted from entering the care facility
Fortunately, towards the very end of her life, COVID restrictions were eased. Finally, I was allowed to leave Melbourne and, sometime after that, permitted to visit my mum in the care facility.
By that stage she was near the end and, while the suffering associated with her physical and mental decline continued, I was grateful to be able to sit in the room with her.
We only spoke a few times, and often only for a few minutes at a time. But it was worth the long trip back home to see her again.
On all but one occasion she recognized me, and I was very grateful for that.
Both my parents were amazing people. Dedicated to their children, to the dispossessed, the vulnerable and the poorest of the poor around our world.
I’II never forget my parents and, even today, I often talk to them.
But that’s the thing about being a parent. Kids aren’t just for Christmas.
Why It's Important To Photograph Your Parents
My mum and dad grew up through the years of the Great Depression and World War II.
Their upbringing made them keenly aware of financial stress and, I can tell you, they managed the little money they had as carefully as they could.
They weren’t tight by choice. They simply had no option.
And with the responsibility of raising five children, finances remained tight all their lives.
In many ways my parents were the most generous people I’ve ever known. Kind, decent and empathetic to the end of their long lives.
Given most of my mum’s long life preceded the digital photography revolution, you'll understand why there are so few photos of my mum to pass onto future generations.
But there’s one photo, in particular, the memory of which remains with me till this day.
It’s a framed print of my mum and dad, sitting in front of the Taj Mahal, back in the 1960’s.
The print was situated, in a place of honor, on top of the family’s small black-and-white TV set until, about a decade later, I bought them a new color TV.
As a young child I’d watch TV, lying on the living room floor, all the while conscious of that fabulous photo of my mum and dad on their first trip to India.
Though she usually put up a fuss when I tried to photographer her, I regret not trying harder and more often to make photos of my mum and dad.
The portfolio that would have eventuated may not have been my finest body of work, but it would have been the most important one for me and the rest of the family.
And those images would have been passed down, through the generations, preserving the memory of my parents for many years to come.
Given my failure to do so, my suggestion to you is to make the effort and return home more regularly.
You won't regret it, particularly if you arrive with a good attitude and a preparedness to help out.
Who knows how many opportunities to do so you'll have in the future.
And when you’re home, please ensure you set some time aside to begin to build a photo collection that’s centered around your own mum and dad.
Act now and I’m sure you won’t regret it. In years to come, you’ll be so grateful you made the effort to do so.
